My hands are tied on this one, so I shall call it what it is. Shaking your head in disgust, no too harsh, disappointment now that’s subtle. You lived for this moment, you went through the motions, preparations, trudging through mud, protruding veins, darn the world, darn those who say you can’t make it. You’re the animal, the beast, the spine that bridges the hopeless backbone and now this.
Taking that bath or shower in the morning, stepping into those shoes, those clothes then the mirror. Hairline intact, wrinkles within and invisible, still got it? Got to say though, chapstick may be needed for those lips, hair could use a comb, weather’s changing and then some. Singing, improvising, words make no sense, should they? Waltzing with a swagger, down the stairs, open front door let in autumn fragrance, gathering leaves, then postman. Flee from junk, a walk would be nice, got to avoid neighbors though, thoughts cannot be affected.
You’ re halfway there, now the real fun begins. You return from walk, open fridge, milk is off, something stinks! Doesn’t anyone change the food in this house! Not today you’ll avoid this, make a call be friendly forget life, its realities. You reach for the phone and it rings before your hand gets to it. Aha, the airlines, just what you needed annoying voice wanting to sell something, package deal. Check my bank account and tell me what you see! Still you are pleasant, politely decline, one thing’s come from this though, you don’t feel like talking anymore.
What haven’t you done, what’s outstanding? Is it time yet, it’s got to be! Turn on laptop. Things to old, way to slow, need a new one? Toshiba should have twin processors by now, the Intel Pentium, blah blah blah …Finally there we go, laptop’s on, still one thought, cradled, savored, endeared at the back of your mind. Okay this could be the day. You can’t be hasty, can’t rush things, must wait and be patient, browse. Oh dear, its mail, flee from junk, then news, who is alive or dead now? Then friends, reply later, very thoughtful of them, need to think of something, save this for another time.
Finally the moment has arrived, the one you have been waiting for, everything else flies out the window and it’s now or never. Log on, open site, pensive, I doubt that, anxious now that’ll be telling. Screen opens and wham! Nothing, it is all the same and no change. Feeling sick, impossible, more like fury, not to worry your day will come soon. The thing to remember here is, don’t let it cloud your judgment, it is a roll of the dice and this thing comes in turns. I entreat thee true yoke fellow your hard work won’t go in vain. Your time would come soon for some one up there knows about it…