Monday, 21 June 2010

The tree of life...

I woke up one morning pondering through the landscape of events in our lives and asking myself why I had moved away from so many things and places. I wondered why we believed we needed to correct the mistakes of our past to make our future better. Each time I thought of a mistake in the past and the effort and imagination that was necessary to eradicate it from the future, life suddenly became bleak. As I sunk into this reverie of thought and counter thought without any signs for reprieve, I heard a quiet voice calling to me to listen to my spirit and not my needs and demands. So I said to this voice,

“Father, once again I am stuck for words to explain my misery. I have no consolation from my mistakes yet the world demands that we learn from them. If my past was a mistake because today I believe that I am not better off than I was before then why am I in such doubt to make these changes?”

And the voice of the Lord said to me:

“My son, why do you believe that you need to make these changes?”

“Father, it is because I hunger for more in life. I wish for better, yet it does not escape my mind that with better times come the weakness of heart and strength. However the pain surpasses me as the dilemma remains muddled in my mind.”

And again the voice of the Lord responded to me:

“My son, why do you believe that you need to make these changes?”

And I said: “Father, am I alone on this path? Is it my imagination that creates the world I live in? How can I understand the poverty in the world? How can I understand the tribulations that the poor face? Take the events of pollution, earthquakes, tornadoes that kill, what is the reason for this? Amidst all of this am I selfish in my thoughts for demanding that my life has more meaning, that I can seek a better place to dwell in. Can I help make it better for others?”

Once more the voice of the Lord answered me and said:

“My son, why do you believe that you need to make these changes?”

And I said: “Father like everyone else I watch the news, the programs, read books, magazines, newspapers, this is the way people lead their lives. A regular pattern is created and I can see that they exist in this pattern. On Sundays they go to church to worship you. Others don’t and care less other wise. A routine is built by doing what one prefers to do. I don’t have any answers, yet in all of this I ask one question why do I hesitate to follow this pattern or even to seek one?”

And once more the Lord said to me:

“My son, why do you believe that you need to make these changes?”

And I said: “Father I have no idea why. All I know is that this is what everyone else seems to do. If one does anything different they say you are weird. Yet I can’t help but feel that if I do not do things differently then I become a victim of society. My goodness, Father has the world gone crazy! You should see the nonsense that I have to watch on television these days. Poor singers that claim to know much. Children that smoke at will and abuse their parents; divorces and countless marriages; rights, movements; expensive cars that one cannot afford, technology that makes man believe that he can get to mars, yet I am still bemused as to why! In all of this, Father the world has said that these things are normal and that we must live by them so I guess there is my dilemma. I have to accept these rules and live by them else I may be an outcast and then Father where would I be? So I think of the changes but still I have my doubts as to why I have to make these changes. Why should others control my virtues and my reasons for existing?”

And again the Lord said to me:

“My son, why do you believe that you need to make these changes?”

This is how things went on for awhile until I fell silent with nothing forthcoming. I had said what I had to and could think of nothing else. I had screamed and shouted at the storm and now I wondered at what else to say to the Lord and then the Lord said to me:

“My son, the spiritual man does not live by what he sees, what he hears and what society has to offer. He lives by my word and the spirit of truth in him. Do what feels natural when you feel like doing it because that is what I desire of you. It is wrong to do evil as I have said in my word, it is wrong to think evil as I have said in my word.”

And just as I decided to say:

“Father you are….”

The voice of the Lord thundered at me and said:

“SILENCE! You have spoken your mind and now you must listen very carefully. The spiritual world is not created from your imagination. I do not talk to the world by the things of men and what man creates from his machinations. I talk to the world by the truth of my word. I said that there would be offences in the day, so there are. The disasters of pollution, earthquakes, tornadoes, aids, sickness, famines are all real, moments of truth for you all to understand that I am real. I am the voice of the Lord and no man can change what I have said would be. What happens to all of you every day of your lives is what has to happen to all of you during this time of your life. Do not worry about others or what they think or what they believe. Do what is the truth to you and your spirit. If you abide by my word then all would be understood and revealed in time. I do not wish to give the world creations from man’s imagination and what man has chosen to be the values and virtues of life, I give the world my word and my promise for this is the truth and each moment in life is a period of existence of my word. So I give the world a moment of truth. Sometimes this is pleasant when you enjoy what I have made you to have and at other times this is not pleasant. In order for my word to abide in you it is necessary that on some occasions you all bear the burden of this truth. This does not mean that you will understand why things happen the way they do on all occasions. What is of importance to you all is that these things happen because I have said they would and that is my decision.”

And a silence beyond comprehension descended upon me as I wondered what I had just witnessed. For the first time it dawned on me why I was having those thoughts and decisions to make in the first place. They were another passing moment I had to live through. It wasn’t the fact that I was thinking what I was thinking or doing what I was doing it was simply the fact that I was living with the grace of the Lord within.

Today I have learnt that the spiritual world is not about the many wars, woes and throes that we face. The spiritual world is not about what we see on our televisions or what man has created to be our normality for us to live in. The spiritual world is about life and its breath within us.

Saturday, 12 June 2010

In our midst...

The question on all our minds most of the time when forecasting the outcome of one generation succeeding another is whether or not family values, cultural ties and tradition would be maintained. Even if DNA and other biological features prevail it is hard to tell whether our mannerisms and perspectives in life would die in our generation or stay on through many more to come. Nowadays there is growing pressure on all of us to ensure that our children steer away from our failures and our mistakes. Like our fathers and fore fathers we desperately try to change the pattern of our children’s lives reflecting on times past and vowing never to see our children suffer the hardship that we endured. It is a good omen to desire a better world where things are easier and we each respect one another but it is a bad omen to believe that times past and the hardship we came through was a catastrophe in our lives. It is so easy to forget that if we had not endured what we did then we won’t be in a position to have the wisdom and better judgment to pass on to future generations. In other words the spiritual delineation is overlooked. We choose what was culturally correct, traditionally positive to reflect on and forget to tell our stories in the honesty in which they occurred. The truth is we are afraid of being looked at as failures by our children and future generations so we make our past reflect only what we consider to be good in the flesh hoping that one day our epitaphs would portray imagery of bravery, love and devotion to a good course. Who is to tell that by not trusting the instincts of our children and allowing them to face some of the trepidations in life that we undertook we are not preventing them from spiritual growth and their understanding of the word of God. In a way we seek sympathy from future generations for our mistakes when they should not be considered as mistakes but another time in life, another experience and another spiritual voyage.
In those times be they good or bad we did what we did because we thought that we were correct in our judgment, what future generations would do when faced with the same problem would depend on their judgment. The fact remains that unlike the biological features that depict generation to generation spiritual reproduction comes directly from our Lord and savior Jesus Christ . Through him we are all called to God and to the understanding of the word of God. This is not a family tree that goes on into infinity to discover our roots or bearings but a family tree that is perfected in an instant, a second just by accepting the word of God.
When my mum told me about this time in her life I viewed it as success in spiritual recreation than failure in the wisdom of man. She made a journey one day from my grand parents home based in the central part of the country heading back to our home in the south. The drive was from a town called Douala to another called Victoria (Limbe is what it is called today) with a pit-stop for the buses at a town called Tiko. She met a friend at the bus station in Douala and they both got on the same bus headed for Limbe. Their bus arrived early in Tiko and they stood around waiting for another to take them on the final part of their journey to Limbe. The transport system in Cameroon at that time was one big yarn. It was an arbitrage for the highest bidder to get a seat on the earliest possible vehicle that became available. The middle men made the market by getting the passengers for the drivers and adding a premium to all fares to support their efforts. I don’t know if the system is any better today but back then my mum said that she and her friend had to scamper around the parking courtyard in search for space in any of the vehicles headed for the south. They eventually came across a vehicle that was partially empty as some of the passengers battered heavily with the middle men for the remaining seats. My mum and her friend decided that the competition was far too complex for them and decided to approach the driver directly hoping that they stood a better chance of success with the key man. As they approached the driver and began negotiating their position she noticed my dad and another woman sitting in the front passenger seats of the bus. My mum was immediately taken aback by this and greeted him. My dad responded as though she was a stranger and ignored her pleas with the driver for a place on the bus. I would say that fortunately for my mum she and her friend where unsuccessful in getting aboard the bus as only one seat was available and neither of them wanted to leave the other behind. The fact remains that the humiliation of finding her husband with another woman and his efforts to completely ignore her was already enough to stomach without having to sit in the same bus and watch them for another hour.
This event took place when I must have been about twelve years old and I only heard about it in my early thirties. I am glad that my mum told me this even though it was very sad and not what I would wish for anyone. Her story and many more of the same are a testimony to what we all have to endure at different times in our lives. The home that I lived in had its ups and downs yet in my youth I never knew of the humiliation that my mum had faced by herself. I haven’t heard my dad’s side to the story neither do I stand in judgment of his actions but the fact remains that I can draw strength by the positive outlook my mum developed from such an occasion. Today she tells me that the Lord is her guide and had been during those tough times when she sat alone and cried in humiliation at what my dad had done. The interesting thing about this is that knowing my dad’s history he came from a home where he too was subjected to a father that had other interests elsewhere than his immediate family. In a way he inherited the culture and kept the flame burning to what was wrong.
Today when I look back to the tribulations that my mum faced I can gain hope from them and know that I do not have to retain the life my dad led. However I would live my life freely knowing that the only guarantee I have of not bringing the same hurt and humiliation to anyone else’s life is by trusting in the belief that God is in our midst no matter where we may be.

Thursday, 3 June 2010

Poetry of Psalms

I have watched the years tumble by like a small rock rolling down a hill into an ocean. The years we stay on this earth are so small compared to the miracles that wait for us in the spiritual world. Yet we fight desperately to hold on to everything we have as though the ocean of life we roll into is not going to be enough for us. I have seen the days and nights on this earth and known that each passes like the wind in the night. They can all be measured with time. Yes! Each is given twenty four hours in man’s time. Can you tell me what time is given in the spiritual world? There is none available to measure what happens. Time ceases to exist with the Lord. His might is such that time freezes in the cold and eternity begins to dawn. Man is made into dust and spirit lives for ever. The spirit rides the wind and sails the sea knowing only one God and one father, one leader and one way of doing things. Our Lord and highness, Jesus, gave us so many lessons in life yet we are very weak in our faith. We bounce from day to day changing the way we feel about him, always asking for more, always demanding. Well what do we ever give back? Are we willing to accept our true fate in life be it what ever it may be. Can we accept failure in things, loss of things? Can we give without question, with cheer and desire? Can we awake and desire nothing but the grace of the Lord? How do we expect to survive as spirits if we cannot even survive as man?
I dance with joy at the melody in my heart. I dance to the soft tunes and chimes that surround my spirit as I wait for my journey to the Lord. I am happy to be humble before man, I am happy to seem weak and meek to man. I am happy to be called foolish, to be subjected to righteous blame. I am happy to face punishment before man for the Lord. This I accept because for blame, abuse, humility, poverty, and many more I receive from man I receive a thousand blessings from our Lord. As man hurts me my spirit becomes quickened. It soars over the earth like a huge bird free to see and visit places that man would never see. It is free to experience the wonders of our universe. It is free to soar over the deep oceans, through the dark tunnels, the places that man calls lonely, the places that man is incapable of visiting. I dance with joy as I hover close to flowers on the edge of cliffs. I dance with joy as the wind strikes my face trying to slash my spiritual body in half. I laugh at this scare because I know it is merely an illusion for my power is greater than it. I know nothing can defeat the spirit of the Lord, I know that I am part of many that make one. I know I am a child of the light that cannot be destroyed by the dark one. Oh man! I cry each time before thee and ask the question, where are you to witness the wonders of this earth? Oh man! I cry where are you to see the creations that would blow your mind out of this world.
My eyes are like those of a night bird. I see in the dark as things have so many shapes and sizes. The spiritual world gives a shape to thought. It gives a shape to imagination and to life. There is nothing that cannot be changed and made better. The spiritual world opens mysteries that go beyond man’s wildest dreams. The games go on forever, the music is endless, breathless and poetry is a thing of old. There are no boundaries, no kings and queens. You are just a spirit that belongs to the Lord with the freedom to do as he desires to enjoy his work and live his work, to see his life and dance in him. You are in him and worshipping him at all times. You live to be millions of years, unable to distinguish between days. You like the pain, the darkness as you know it is a mere illusion to what you are. You accept life’s obstacles because you know that they eventually bring wisdom upon you. You know that for each pain you feel you are rewarded in glorious medals as a spirit. You know that the next journey you make in the Lord’s world would be faster, more daring, more frightening. You know he would make it more interesting and his grace would show you more miracles than ever in him. You know he would awaken senses long forgotten to man. You would regain the double vision of a dog, the insight of an eagle, the wildness of a cat and the wisdom of a serpent. You know that you would be made perfect in him to see his wonders in the universe.
There is light in loneliness, wisdom in humility, as strength is made perfect in weakness. Sadness is turned to joy, by thought of wisdom. Fear is turned into strength through patience and endurance. Pity and envy are weakened by acceptance and thought that there is a better place for me in life. Anger, rage, wickedness and revenge are tamed like wild horses in the hands of peace, forgiveness and legendary grace of the Lord. For each fiery dart that is leveraged at me from the wicked one there is a shield of faith that is made proficient in the Lord.

All I know is that the spiritual world is real and alive like you and me. It is a place in which things happen without our knowledge and all credit is given to God. . He listens to our pain and shares our desires for we are all one in him. He has said so himself.