Friday, 28 September 2012

Wait a minute...

They said it would come at half four, I’ve been sitting here for hours on end and still no delivery. Still I know I made that order, I’m sure I got confirmation, my card details went in and I phoned to check so I’m sure it is due any time soon.
    Time lingers along and it’s now five. How could this be? I’ll check my email, I’m sure it was four they said. Minutes later, switches, lights, email, there I knew it -1600hrs! This means four in the afternoon, there, let’s check the date… got that right too, yet no delivery! I’ll call and see what happened.
    Time lingers along. Excuses, excuses, my goodness! Well I can live with this for a couple more days and I’ll be away tomorrow anyway so it isn’t so bad. I don’t have to sit here in despair waiting for it.
    Time lingers along. Things happen and I forget, the world changes, news, people, events and then another week. I call them. It is confirmed they will make delivery without fail on the Wednesday, this time it is AM delivery. Oh I like those for they rarely fail.
    Time lingers along. Dear me, I was just in the bathroom for a minute, I mean what is this world coming to. They came and left a note! Can you imagine, a note! Why didn’t they just wait a little bit for me, I had been sitting right there all morning and now this. Never mind at least I know that it would come. I just have to book it for next time.
    Time lingers along. Oh well it doesn’t matter now, next week I’m busy and the week after that I’m away they just have to bring it whenever they can. It serves them right. Blasted thing, who needs it anyway. Bell rings! Who is it? Ah it’s them. Grinning sheepishly as I receive the parcel. Finally, at last, my goodness, I’d almost given up hope. Oh well I guess in this life one has to be patient.
    Faith is the credit card that paid the bill. Hope is confirmation and receipt of payment. Patience is the virtue that in spite of all the mishaps that one may face what we desire is en route to us. To those who desire, make your order and do not give up on the service, all your wishes would come in good time. ‘Commit thy way unto the Lord;trust in him and he will bring it to pass…’

Friday, 7 September 2012

Dear BFF, we might just have to break up!

Dear BFF, 

It took me a while to figure out that the world was changing. The age of acronyms was superseding that of aphorisms. You could con a phrase, twist it one way and then the next and before long you were texting rapidly in an unknown language that had descended upon the horizon as if you’d walked into an apiary. You were either alienated from it or caught in the groove when you saw the new age people dancing in rhythm to this tune that you’d never heard before.
     I’ve got my own proclivities but who hasn’t. Now all I hear is OMG, LOL, BTW, I’m practically lost in this world most times as I need a translator to decipher code and explain to me what message I have just received. Still I’m not on a warpath here but seeking a d├ętente. I’m willing to shake hands if this is restricted to text messaging. I understand it’s simple and easy to get one’s message out rapidly. However I draw the line at emails.
     BFF or otherwise, I say stop this madness else you won’t receive my reply because I just can’t be bothered.  
Yours truly
The relic