Sunday, 1 August 2010


I don’t think I heard a sound today but for my heart beat. It was tapping away slowly as daylight crept through the curtains. It has been a long time since I’ve enjoyed a full day, twenty four hours to be exact, in the pleasure of my own company. I almost expected something to happen, something I won’t be able to make sense of. I chose to lie in, listen to the many noises of the early morning. I could hardly hear a thing. Then I listened intently, first I heard the cars from the highway a long way off. Then I thought I heard the birds but then I could have been wrong. I listened even harder and then I started remembering something else, the sound of the dreaded squirrel that had lived in my loft when I lived in an apartment. That too had gone now. Why couldn’t I hear those sounds of the past? Was I impatient? Had I lost something? Perhaps I wasn’t trying hard enough. So I waited and waited until it appeared as though time stood still and I listened some more. There was nothing, just silence.
There was no one there but me. It was now in my hands to do as I pleased. The voices that used to summon me to act or react had gone. They were confident that what I would do and what I would say would be what was needed. I felt it and knew it because I felt a song in my heart and I felt my heart beat increase slowly. It was such an old song back from when I was a child. In those days Sunday school meant everything to one. I don’t remember the classes or the lessons that were taught but for whatever reason I remembered this song. I hadn’t sung it years. At the very best of times I hummed and if I liked a song I hummed even louder but I never sang. You see normally my heart puts the words together. My soul craves the beats but I just hum because I very rarely listen to the words in a song. I simply listen to what I feel from the song. This time was different.
‘Halleluiah, I have seen the light, the light of God, I have seen the light, shining in my heart.’ It was the chorus of the song, the only words that flowed for what seemed like an eternity. I sang these words, daring even to clap my hands like the kid I was in Sunday school.
Finally as it had started it slowly faded away and then I was in the shower humming again.

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