Monday, 12 July 2010

Vain Oblations...

Gratitude is a sparkle, a tingling effect that has a blending of joy with tears. It is colorful through our veins as we shudder from sudden reactions to an internal glow of warmth and cold simultaneously. For me in the spiritual sense the only time that this is possible in our atmosphere and obvious to man is in the rainbow. Causing this sensation for others to feed upon is something we all should thrive for. Several years today I joined a firm where the challenges were pretty arduous with barely a moment for respite. Autonomy and self efficiency were hardly facets that one could herald in public. Nothing was at the tip of one’s finger tips and I sought assistance to complete my tasks from the more experienced employees. They were forth coming with ideas and past accomplishments that gave me the credence to do my job adequately. As I grew in experience, I realized that this help had been voluntary and it dawned on me that I had to find a means of returning the favor to my rescuers. I had received from people who were encouraged by my own career progression without the need for any personal indulgence. It was only credible to return this kindness in a similar fashion and so I waited patiently for my moment to come.
Time evaded us as it usually does and as I grew in experience with the job so did my colleagues. I found myself chasing a moving train. I was never able to keep up with them in time to return their help in kind. We never met socially to the extent that I could offer them help outside the job. I was restricted to the system of the work place to find a means of repaying them. They never complained but it bothered me because I felt indebted to them in one way or the other as they had given me the opportunity to exhale in my career. ‘How was it possible to help people who never needed help?’
Eventually I outgrew my position and moved on. Again things did not change in my new position, for the trend from the previous company followed me as I found myself again needing the support of others to make a difference. My debt had grown significantly as now I faced the prospect of not only owing my rescuers in the first company but the new assistance I was getting in my new role. A pattern was developing here that I could not make sense out of. I saw time elapse in my new role and found myself again gaining promotion with the strength and aptitude to now move up rank and change country. Here I was disappearing into thin air without the prospect of ever repaying the kindness that I had received. It was hard not to feel inadequate at such times and I made a promise to myself to return to them one day and balance the sheets.
As all things are possible when you put your mind to it my opportunity eventually came. With the many skills from my travels I returned to these companies expecting to restore balance. I had traveled the world and knew things that others did not. This was the chance I had been waiting for through the years and there was no better time to make matters even. Again I was in for another little surprise. I did things for them, believing I had restored my credibility but the joy in their eyes was none existent. Somehow try as hard as I did they never seemed to give me that sense of accomplishment. I did not see the awe in their eyes or sense the tingle of satisfaction from their demeanor. I found that even though my efforts where worth their while they did not give me the impression that we were even. If I was looking at ridding myself of this burden I certainly hadn’t accomplished it by this gesture. The right nods and handshakes were made but the fact remained that I was still lacking in my endeavors. I needed something else to make a difference and I certainly wasn’t going about it the right way.
Then I noticed another pattern developing, I too was becoming old in the job and the new recruits looked up to me for assistance. I was now a voice of wisdom and a liberator of others. With scanty eyes and vague expressions the graduates sought my assistance and I obliged them in any way I could, giving them every opportunity to make a difference and mould their careers. I was proud to see that I had contributed to their ambitions and supplied the necessary inspiration for them to make enormous career leaps. Soon I could not keep count of who had passed through my school of thought for the numbers increased and as time elapsed it became irrelevant.
After what seemed like a lifetime one of the graduates visited me and made it clear that he was available to help me in any way possible. He won’t give up no matter how many times I explained to him that his help was unnecessary. He was adamant in settling his debt and I could not find the words to let him know that this was not possible. The problem was he desired to help me in the way in which I had helped him. He desired to give me impetus for my career and inspiration to get further in life. Unfortunately having helped so many graduates I found his approach unbecoming. There was no creativity in his proposals as I always knew the reason behind them. They all boiled down to one thing. He was repaying a favor, and I could not see the point of this as I had not offered my help to him in the past in the interest of receiving something in return. It had been offered freely because I had received something from others freely. His desperation in trying to repay me now fell on deaf ears and to his frustration and dismay I was unable to give him the gratitude that he expected.
If anyone tells you that there are no coincidences in the spiritual world then believe them. With the Lord things are mapped out in a pattern according to his word. It is his wisdom that guides our existence and makes us understand the values that he has given us in life. In time I shared my own encounters with past colleagues and whilst confiding in them I mentioned the proposals that had been put forward to me by the graduate. To my astonishment I saw a sparkle in their eyes. They looked at me with gratitude as if I had just saved their lives. They congratulated me on my efforts and were truly amazed at how many graduates I had trained. Life had gone in full circle teaching me something that was spiritual. In the spirit there is no wisdom in paying back what you have received. To fully compensate your benefactor you must seek other means to see their smile in the rainbow.

‘I am full of your multiple offerings unto me, relieve the oppressed instead…’

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