Free for all...

The hardest thing to do sometimes is exposing what you know to others. What would they do with it? Would they abuse it or take it and become better than you? Isn’t it yours for keepsakes? I mean, common you worked so hard to get to where you are just for someone else to step in and count their blessings. After you have run through all the outcomes of what could happen, you then decide, perhaps I’ll share a little, not all but just enough, besides I have to keep something for myself, it’s fair isn’t it? 

    Say the first person you give that little to treats it well, makes the most of it. First you rejoice, then wonder, did I do the right thing? Still though what would they have done if I had shown them all. Perhaps I would have been ripping greater rewards…er, before you get ahead of yourself let’s consider the alternative. Say the first person you give that little to abuses it, dismisses the fragments of your hard work. Again you wonder, maybe I was right to give just a little, the evidence is in the outcome, you can’t argue with that. There is a flip side to this argument though. What if you had given more, how can you tell that they won’t do more with it, make the most of your hard earned labor.

    Finally you are at crossroads, you’ll get here eventually whether you like it or not because this place is unavoidable. Whilst you are scratching your head and planting imprints in your carpet you finally come face to face with your nemesis, the dreaded mirror. In this you can’t hide from yourself. It’s really down to what you can live with. I would go with my gut feeling when the time comes, I would give if I feel like giving and I won’t if I don’t feel like it. I mean that’s fair isn’t it? There I’ve made a decision so leave me alone!

    Things work out for a while as they always do until the time comes and your gut gets it wrong and this time your dustbin becomes the subject of your frustrations. Oh what the hell! Just another day, right? Wrong! Again and again and again, this gut of yours is something else. Just why can’t you get it right, at least just once? 

    Ah! If you have reached this place don’t sweat it we all do and would continue to in our lives. The fact remains that what we receive we do by grace and what we give we do so also by grace. Getting past the crossroads in our lives is by grace and this is one thing that is free for all…

Forsaken...

Forsaken…

Purer is the wind that bloweth the trumpet

Lighter is the step that trampleth the waters

Greater is the man that standeth before thee

Sadness is the song that playeth in his heart

My house of mourning cometh before the morning star

Bravo! They haileth from the hills afar off; Purpose serveth reason

For without purpose why doth angels be

If gifts be given men what doth then angels

Cry ye not then my beloveth; Faint not in thy travail

In battle some men falleth as others riseth

A wondering cub searcheth the earth for its mother

A man’s heart deceiveth for pleasure

Where art thou crieth vain mumblings

Time slippeth away like the faint shadow of darkness

I am for thee saith my purpose; If thou be an angel then don’t ask why

Thy purpose is reason why tribulation befalleth thee

Greater is you than the desires of mine heart

Thank you father for my light that shineth today

For I serve the Amen and nothing else

Pictures of a blind man

Often taken to entertain the premise of what he sees. If they come out right he rushes to show others, if they don’t he hides them from the universe. Is there a purpose behind this ploy? I have known the world he says, been in it, dealt in it, wept in it and shed blood in it and I can tell you that this is what it desires of me. I have known another says he that isn’t blind within him, that world you have worked so hard for would reject you one of these days old fellow. Rubbish! Says the blind man, how can what I feel, touch, smell and breath, reject me, it is just what it is, I know my world just too well. Ah! Says he that isn’t blind within him, if you know your world so well how come you do not know of me and I am in it?

I see rain...

‘I hate you father, I hate you for leaving me!’ Timmy hissed quietly to himself. I am so mad! I am so angry! Mum does not understand! He clenched and unclenched his fists as he beat on the ground. I am my own man and no one but me knows what’s best for me. I have lived my life alone without a father. It is that boarding school that has done this to me. Where were you then, eh Mum? I was only twelve and you left me so far away in the hills away from everyone I knew. He came to visit me only once, that was all and then he left us, dying away so easily without seeing me grow up to be a man.
The crickets were out for the night their humming noise persistent in his ears. Timmy listened to them, sitting up and staring at the town from the small hill. No one listens, no one wants to understand! Grand mum said focus on what you want to achieve and ignore what is around you. That is what I have done. Dad said to become successful in life try all things, be open to all things and you shall find your path. This is what I have been doing. But why am I so angry all the time? You don’t understand Mum, I know you care but you don’t understand! I can fight like you, I have fought like you, I have stood up to those who tried to challenge me, to defeat me Mum, I am like you! Grand Mum said put everything in prayer and God would answer. I have done that but why am I so angry all the time?
Timmy watched the streets and the children as they played, ignoring the dark and entertaining the night. I am a king in this city Mum you should see me dance. I have a following and girls love me. Then why do I change and become so destructive wanting to hit out at things? He stood up and placed his hands in his pockets, Mum would have calmed down by now. I shall go to my room when I enter the house and say nothing until tomorrow hopefully by then she should be calm and we can talk again.
Timmy walked behind the houses avoiding the excrement that had been left by dogs. He shut his senses to the smell as he retraced his steps to their home a mile away. Eventually he was in the neighborhood, his shoulders raised and moving more rhythmically, if anyone is watching, I am still a man.

Finding me...

When I got to the gates the first time and said who I was, it wasn’t whom I was but who I thought they wanted to hear it was. No doubt I got through, as this did not depend on me still though I remained lost. I could barely find the switch in this dark room. When I got to the gates the second time I said whom I was yet I wasn’t convinced of whether that would get me through. I made it though as it was fate that I was destined to. Still I wondered about that darn pest called doubt. Why on earth did I doubt myself, did I do something wrong?
When I got to the gates the third time around I said who I was and believed it from within. I got through as the two times before because it was fate. The difference is that this time from without and within I knew it was me bright lights and no doubt.
The truth is fate gets us through not by our power or our thoughts. However how we live is down to whom we believe we are from within and without. This is always a good place to start…

Stranger things have happened...

You could believe that the worse thing you could do is listen to the word of someone else, a stranger for that matter. They are not clairvoyant I hear you say. You could also believe that the worse thing you could do was take it for granted that you are not yet beyond your sell buy date, that your time hasn’t passed. I know where you are going with this, I hear you say, but I’m not convinced. Sorry, I’ve been there and done that.
Humor me this one time. Say you listen to this stranger and it works out as he says, I’m not saying it will but just say it does. You would be one step richer, one step closer to fulfilling your happiness. Or say you change your mind and accept that you may not have seen it all. That the trials, tribulations and the heartache are still just worthwhile for one more time to see things to the end. You just never know it may be your time, your place and your day.
There I say though, be wise but not in your conceit for that which has been is now and that which is yet to come has already been. If there is vanity in everything that we do then you just never know…

Get in line sinner I was here first!

He took the dictionary and smashed it hard on the table shattering the glass beneath and scattering the beads that lay in the saucepan. He turned, reaching and then looking for it. He was moving, snatching the phone and throwing it violently against the wall listening to the sound of breaking metal as the fury burned within his soul.
‘I am flawed,’ he whimpered, breathlessly. ‘I am indeed truly flawed.’
And then he was on the ground grabbing his head in his hands and locking himself away from life as he had come to know it. The bars in his despair where closer than he could have ever imagined. The nights were longer, the waiting nauseating.
‘I can do this I know I can. Yet I fail to see the purpose as I am already there. This voice makes no sense, it comes with a penance that leaves me distraught. How do I do it, where do I start?’
Endless questions, time afforded, reasons. Yes! Reasons! They where there when one needed them but still they were difficult to accept. A man can do good when it serves its purpose. A man would sacrifice when he sees the benefit of it. Still what lies in a man’s heart is what he will do when he faces the truth. This is the tell of his darkest hour. On this day he will make a prayer. It can go many ways but here is one way.
‘Dear Father, what does this sinner tell thee that you do not already know. I have failed to comprehend the wisdom that you have shown me through the years. I have failed to hear thy voice when confronted with the truth. I am my penance when my lust overcomes me. I fear my wrath because it controls me. I fear my folly because it is my disguise. Guide this servant to hope and thy faith. Guide this servant to the riches of thy bosom. When a man faces the storm he should be able to cry out. Call to his maker and father and say forsake me not for my burden overwhelms me. I am thy son and need this break father. Grant me this wish and make my joy holy. I cannot tell what lies in my heart because this sin that I commit is new to me too. One thing I can promise is to uphold my end as your grace desires. I am the fool with needless words in this prayer. I am the beggar that steals from your table. I am shameless in my search for victory. I wish for those things that I know only you can provide. I am lost father and seek you more than ever. I am lost father as I seek a path of escape. Make my burden lighter and remove sin from my shores. Make my burden lighter and take away resentment from my bones. I need your help father and your aid in my plans. I am dead to this world and hopeless in promises. I lie, cheat and steal with false promises. Help me dear God for I have fallen from thy grace. This is the prayer of the fool that kneels before thee. Help this great sinner to find peace and good shelter. I ask this through your son our Lord and savior. I beg this through our lord Jesus Christ, Amen.’