Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Loose end...

You won't find me looking. I would avert my eyes in that moment, that instant just when you gaze in my direction, that way you can't tell the truth about me.
You won't know I care either because when you say the right things, do the right things I'd stay aloof, rebuke you and even run away. Call me coward, still you won't be able to tell whether I care.
I won't come to you either. When you call, when you need me, when you push everyone away and desire only me to be by your side, I'd run far far away and stay hidden from your sight. This way you would know the truth that it is over and give up as I wish you to.
You won't believe what I have done to you, you'd question my actions over and over again and still find no answers that give you peace and in turn I'd make sure that I'm not available. I would be just out of reach, so near and yet so far that there is no chance of us ever being together in order to torture and frustrate you.
Still all is not lost for there is one thing I cannot control and that is your feelings for me. If you are true to them, believe in them and trust your heart then I would return. The truth is I won't come because you called, now would I come because you sought me. I won't come out of pity nor because others say I should. I would come because you believe in me and this is something I cannot control. Take it from me in spite of what others say be true to your heart and I would return in my own good time. Surely you haven't forgotten I am the loose end in your life. I am Love.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Leslie. My name is Mathew. I live in New Zealand. I have a relationship with God and by earthly measures I am a good husband & father. In short and in truth - I am a sinner deserving of much punishment.
    I write to encourage you to continue the work you have been doing sharing God’s love to souls through your writings.
    I am here as a result of an article you wrote entitled ‘How To Recover From A True Test of Faith’. I am emerging from such a test and found much solace in your message.
    While the issue concerned is not health-related it is one of material survival which weighs heavily upon me at this time. Please allow me to explain.
    For reasons known only to God, his sustaining hand has been withheld from us at this time. In the past God has helped us. Now, however, He has withheld his providence to the point where yesterday I had all but been emptied of my trust in Him.
    With penetrating despair I continued praying waveringly, to Our Lord Jesus Christ, of course to Our Heavenly Father and the Holy Spirit.
    Nothing. Emptiness. Doubt. Fear. Loneliness and despair. It is the closest I have ever come to what I would consider to be a spiritual near death experience. My struggles culminated in an absence of faith, hope and trust in God not more than twenty four hours ago. A true internal, spiritual struggle began in full.
    I went late to bed and in the early hours awoke, my heart at rest. In these moments I often talk to Our Lord [Jesus Christ]. Respectfully, I often say ‘Hi Lord’ and then continue to talk/pray to him. This time, however, I was struck with a sobering thought. What is the point of talking with God’s son if I have little faith in him? Do I have faith in God or not? I lay in bed pondering this.
    There was no way I could dismiss God as not having been there for me in my life. The evidences were more than clear to me. I couldn’t NOT believe.
    In this realisation I found myself forging a renewed alliance with God and in turn dismissing the possibility of any other alternative. I felt that I had been tested in order that my true allegiance became known. God’s presence in my past has been more than tangible and credible.
    This turning point solidified with certainty my own personal unquestionable belief in God over and above any spectre of doubt, discouragement and fear. And while I continue at times to be assailed with doubt and at times fear I now know these to be the residual testings of the destroyer of souls from whom I have been left no option but to reject.
    Later in the morning I began searching the internet for advice, hopefully enlightened by God, about recovering from such an experience and I discovered your ezine article. In it I found much solace and penetrable wisdom. For one such as myself charitable words such as yours are like a fresh flowing spring at the edge of a blood-stained battlefield.
    I did notice your listed articles have decreased in number over the years and this is to be expected as one who emerges into the light of day a stronger and better individual for the pain suffered in past times. But I do support your generosity of spirit in these shared wisdoms you publish and can only hope that in times such as these we are living in at present that you continue to take up the sword of peace and deliver these truths to souls such as myself that we may know and understand God truly is with us, even to the very end of time.
    Peace be with you in your days, and may God always make Himself known to you. I thank you most sincerely for the goodness you have generously shared and may I kindly emphasise, your message has reached across time – three and a half years – and space – to New Zealand, to bring consolation and reassurance to myself and in turn my family. God is with us and all those who want Him as their friend and stronghold.
    God bless you Leslie. Stay strong my friend, persevere with patience and believe.