Wait a minute...

They said it would come at half four, I’ve been sitting here for hours on end and still no delivery. Still I know I made that order, I’m sure I got confirmation, my card details went in and I phoned to check so I’m sure it is due any time soon.

    Time lingers along and it’s now five. How could this be? I’ll check my email, I’m sure it was four they said. Minutes later, switches, lights, email, there I knew it -1600hrs! This means four in the afternoon, there, let’s check the date… got that right too, yet no delivery! I’ll call and see what happened.

    Time lingers along. Excuses, excuses, my goodness! Well I can live with this for a couple more days and I’ll be away tomorrow anyway so it isn’t so bad. I don’t have to sit here in despair waiting for it.

    Time lingers along. Things happen and I forget, the world changes, news, people, events and then another week. I call them. It is confirmed they will make delivery without fail on the Wednesday, this time it is AM delivery. Oh I like those for they rarely fail.

    Time lingers along. Dear me, I was just in the bathroom for a minute, I mean what is this world coming to. They came and left a note! Can you imagine, a note! Why didn’t they just wait a little bit for me, I had been sitting right there all morning and now this. Never mind at least I know that it would come. I just have to book it for next time.

    Time lingers along. Oh well it doesn’t matter now, next week I’m busy and the week after that I’m away they just have to bring it whenever they can. It serves them right. Blasted thing, who needs it anyway. Bell rings! Who is it? Ah it’s them. Grinning sheepishly as I receive the parcel. Finally, at last, my goodness, I’d almost given up hope. Oh well I guess in this life one has to be patient.

    Faith is the credit card that paid the bill. Hope is confirmation and receipt of payment. Patience is the virtue that in spite of all the mishaps that one may face what we desire is en route to us. To those who desire, make your order and do not give up on the service, all your wishes would come in good time. ‘Commit thy way unto the Lord;trust in him and he will bring it to pass…’

Dear BFF, we might just have to break up!

Dear BFF, 

It took me a while to figure out that the world was changing. The age of acronyms was superseding that of aphorisms. You could con a phrase, twist it one way and then the next and before long you were texting rapidly in an unknown language that had descended upon the horizon as if you’d walked into an apiary. You were either alienated from it or caught in the groove when you saw the new age people dancing in rhythm to this tune that you’d never heard before.

     I’ve got my own proclivities but who hasn’t. Now all I hear is OMG, LOL, BTW, I’m practically lost in this world most times as I need a translator to decipher code and explain to me what message I have just received. Still I’m not on a warpath here but seeking a détente. I’m willing to shake hands if this is restricted to text messaging. I understand it’s simple and easy to get one’s message out rapidly. However I draw the line at emails.

     BFF or otherwise, I say stop this madness else you won’t receive my reply because I just can’t be bothered.  

Yours truly

The relic

Window Shopping...

What I’m looking at is a small vase, the size of a button, how this was created is hard to imagine. What purpose it serves leaves me traversing boulevards, walking vineyards and humming to radio tunes one only remembers in a traffic jam. I’m not done yet with you a part of me cries still I’ve got a long day ahead of me so I shan’t tally but move on.

     I’m now standing before this next shop because it sells socks, not much to contemplate here. I should get some but what a drag. People should buy these things for us. There was a time when all I got for Christmas was a pair of socks. 1996 it was. Nothing mattered then because in that year, the one I had been waiting for walked out of the cold and into my life. Before then I had never liked holding hands but I was forced to from the moment I laid eyes on her. They say l’amour can play tricks with a man’s head, mine must have been singing anthems with the stars. I grew in statue that summer making even the ridiculous pair of socks for Christmas the ultimate gift a man could receive.

     Doesn’t time just fly by? It’s as if when I need to escape the noise and tussle of Beirut my radar always directs me to this spot. Horology serves its own purpose but for me it is how a great watch feels on my hand that counts. Why are they so expensive? Status I guess, still if this part of the shopping arena allows my innards to refuel than I’m not complaining. Just to let you into my world, the assistants here also make one feel important, they size you out for what you are looking at, ponder about what you can afford and dare I say challenge you to ask for a closer look. I love catching their eyes staring because they turn to retreat and allow me the freedom to explore and dream.

   A spot of lunch would do me good for the growling coming from my bowels but that’s the furthest thing from my mind, as I knew eventually I would end up here irrespective of where I started. First things first, book covers, designs they draw you in one after the other. What’s the message, who’s the author? It’s an art gallery here and I’ve decided to play the child and be coerced by what attracts the eye rather than the mind. I can’t make up my mind, I’d have to try the blurbs something’s got to give, there’s got to be something I can take home with me. Let’s see what could I use in my life now? No, please don’t teach me anything. My brain is too tired. Horror…a bit too gruesome for my mood, perhaps something lighter. Espionage…tempted? Well I got a great film just dying to be seen so…

    Bang, bang! There’s a knock at the door and I am woken from my reverie to discover that I haven’t left my room and I’m right there staring down the throat of Google and the vast space of the world wide web. When would I ever learn that to get some peace and quiet I need to step out of this house and do some proper shopping! 

Free for all...

The hardest thing to do sometimes is exposing what you know to others. What would they do with it? Would they abuse it or take it and become better than you? Isn’t it yours for keepsakes? I mean, common you worked so hard to get to where you are just for someone else to step in and count their blessings. After you have run through all the outcomes of what could happen, you then decide, perhaps I’ll share a little, not all but just enough, besides I have to keep something for myself, it’s fair isn’t it? 

    Say the first person you give that little to treats it well, makes the most of it. First you rejoice, then wonder, did I do the right thing? Still though what would they have done if I had shown them all. Perhaps I would have been ripping greater rewards…er, before you get ahead of yourself let’s consider the alternative. Say the first person you give that little to abuses it, dismisses the fragments of your hard work. Again you wonder, maybe I was right to give just a little, the evidence is in the outcome, you can’t argue with that. There is a flip side to this argument though. What if you had given more, how can you tell that they won’t do more with it, make the most of your hard earned labor.

    Finally you are at crossroads, you’ll get here eventually whether you like it or not because this place is unavoidable. Whilst you are scratching your head and planting imprints in your carpet you finally come face to face with your nemesis, the dreaded mirror. In this you can’t hide from yourself. It’s really down to what you can live with. I would go with my gut feeling when the time comes, I would give if I feel like giving and I won’t if I don’t feel like it. I mean that’s fair isn’t it? There I’ve made a decision so leave me alone!

    Things work out for a while as they always do until the time comes and your gut gets it wrong and this time your dustbin becomes the subject of your frustrations. Oh what the hell! Just another day, right? Wrong! Again and again and again, this gut of yours is something else. Just why can’t you get it right, at least just once? 

    Ah! If you have reached this place don’t sweat it we all do and would continue to in our lives. The fact remains that what we receive we do by grace and what we give we do so also by grace. Getting past the crossroads in our lives is by grace and this is one thing that is free for all…

Forsaken...

Forsaken…

Purer is the wind that bloweth the trumpet

Lighter is the step that trampleth the waters

Greater is the man that standeth before thee

Sadness is the song that playeth in his heart

My house of mourning cometh before the morning star

Bravo! They haileth from the hills afar off; Purpose serveth reason

For without purpose why doth angels be

If gifts be given men what doth then angels

Cry ye not then my beloveth; Faint not in thy travail

In battle some men falleth as others riseth

A wondering cub searcheth the earth for its mother

A man’s heart deceiveth for pleasure

Where art thou crieth vain mumblings

Time slippeth away like the faint shadow of darkness

I am for thee saith my purpose; If thou be an angel then don’t ask why

Thy purpose is reason why tribulation befalleth thee

Greater is you than the desires of mine heart

Thank you father for my light that shineth today

For I serve the Amen and nothing else

Pictures of a blind man

Often taken to entertain the premise of what he sees. If they come out right he rushes to show others, if they don’t he hides them from the universe. Is there a purpose behind this ploy? I have known the world he says, been in it, dealt in it, wept in it and shed blood in it and I can tell you that this is what it desires of me. I have known another says he that isn’t blind within him, that world you have worked so hard for would reject you one of these days old fellow. Rubbish! Says the blind man, how can what I feel, touch, smell and breath, reject me, it is just what it is, I know my world just too well. Ah! Says he that isn’t blind within him, if you know your world so well how come you do not know of me and I am in it?

I see rain...

‘I hate you father, I hate you for leaving me!’ Timmy hissed quietly to himself. I am so mad! I am so angry! Mum does not understand! He clenched and unclenched his fists as he beat on the ground. I am my own man and no one but me knows what’s best for me. I have lived my life alone without a father. It is that boarding school that has done this to me. Where were you then, eh Mum? I was only twelve and you left me so far away in the hills away from everyone I knew. He came to visit me only once, that was all and then he left us, dying away so easily without seeing me grow up to be a man.
The crickets were out for the night their humming noise persistent in his ears. Timmy listened to them, sitting up and staring at the town from the small hill. No one listens, no one wants to understand! Grand mum said focus on what you want to achieve and ignore what is around you. That is what I have done. Dad said to become successful in life try all things, be open to all things and you shall find your path. This is what I have been doing. But why am I so angry all the time? You don’t understand Mum, I know you care but you don’t understand! I can fight like you, I have fought like you, I have stood up to those who tried to challenge me, to defeat me Mum, I am like you! Grand Mum said put everything in prayer and God would answer. I have done that but why am I so angry all the time?
Timmy watched the streets and the children as they played, ignoring the dark and entertaining the night. I am a king in this city Mum you should see me dance. I have a following and girls love me. Then why do I change and become so destructive wanting to hit out at things? He stood up and placed his hands in his pockets, Mum would have calmed down by now. I shall go to my room when I enter the house and say nothing until tomorrow hopefully by then she should be calm and we can talk again.
Timmy walked behind the houses avoiding the excrement that had been left by dogs. He shut his senses to the smell as he retraced his steps to their home a mile away. Eventually he was in the neighborhood, his shoulders raised and moving more rhythmically, if anyone is watching, I am still a man.

Finding me...

When I got to the gates the first time and said who I was, it wasn’t whom I was but who I thought they wanted to hear it was. No doubt I got through, as this did not depend on me still though I remained lost. I could barely find the switch in this dark room. When I got to the gates the second time I said whom I was yet I wasn’t convinced of whether that would get me through. I made it though as it was fate that I was destined to. Still I wondered about that darn pest called doubt. Why on earth did I doubt myself, did I do something wrong?
When I got to the gates the third time around I said who I was and believed it from within. I got through as the two times before because it was fate. The difference is that this time from without and within I knew it was me bright lights and no doubt.
The truth is fate gets us through not by our power or our thoughts. However how we live is down to whom we believe we are from within and without. This is always a good place to start…